Though the source might be considered unlikely, I found an answer to the question that I had been pondering over for quite some time now. I had the love of a beautiful girl who offered to give me what I wanted. But it was in that dreamy moment that I realized that I had no idea what I wanted. All I had were bits and pieces of what I wanted but I was not able to collectively put them together into any coherent form of expression. I had been looking for a way to define what I wanted from a relationship for quite some time now. Life is what you make of it but what the hell are you supposed to do when you are not able to define what you want to make of it?
I am currently reading Ayn Rand's Atlas shrugged. In this most unlikeliest of all sources, I found an expression of what I had been feeling all this time. This discovery of ones own undefined feeling is indeed a gargantuan relief as it suddenly relieves you of the worry of having to define it so as to be able to answer the question better the next time you face it. If life was a journey in pursuit of answers, this feels like a wondrous shortcut. Some people would of course like to feed their egos off of denial of the existence of any such predefined records of what they might be feeling. But these are most often people who are fooling themselves into believing they are unique. Most often these are the people who need to constant self appraisal of their identity which is superficial at best. Deep down everyone is the same little child searching for answers in life.
Anyways, now I am not so sure if you'll be able to appreciate my discovery after the long wait and much inflated expectations but I am going to type it regardless of that.
"I want nothing from you except what you wish to give me. My idea of a relationship is to know that the joy you give me is matched by the joy you get from me-not by your suffering or mine. I don't accept sacrifices and I don't make them. If you asked me for more than you meant to me, I would refuse. If ever the pleasure of one has to brought by the pain of the other, there had better be no relationship. A relationship in which one gains and the other loses is a fraud."
Yes I know I changed trade to relationship but if you read (or have already read the novel) you would understand that in this context, there is really no difference between a trade and a relationship. Both of them mean the same to each of the parties involved and they deal with both aspects in equally passionate terms. I know I am in danger of being dangerously influenced by the theory of objectivism but then again, so what? It makes sense to me at this point of time with respect to this one issue and I choose to be bowled over by it.
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Well written brother. With all respect to your way of looking at it, I would like to add how I look at relationships(with reference to the last para).
ReplyDeleteI think more than anything, its about comfort. The comfort you feel when you are around a person. The comfort you feel while talking to them, or holding their hand, or just silently taking a walk with them.
Also, a relation ship more than just being a give and take, is a "Collaboration", most relationships fail because people do not understand the difference between a "collaboration" and a "compromise", They keep making compromises and then eventually get tired of it, also, after this phase begins the 'blame game' of counting those compromises. Things are more than simple if both the partners understand that it is a "Collaboration", where in, two people come together, and make adjustments for each other.
Also, there is "RESPECT" and "TRUST" which is the MOST importance. "Love" comes much later. If the respect and trust don't get a place in the relationship, it would cease to exist.
The material things come much later too!
So, it's never like, give passion, take passion, give love take love, i don't think it's gain some, lose some ever! I think, its a matter of choice. a choice you make for some one other than your self. and thats' when you say to yourself, 'what the hell?, it's okay as long as he/she's happy, anything for that sparkle in the eye!" and that happens when there is respect, trust, love and comfort.